Motivating Your Children
Long ago, a friend taught me that most children are motivated by the four F’s — food, friends, freedom, and fun. In observing our children over time, I see a lot of merit in this generality.
I have a couple of teens who will do any undesirable task if there’s a popsicle at the end of it. Trench digging for the sprinkler system was popsicle-driven!
I have two other children who will complete a long list of household and outside chores without being asked and even starting very early in the morning IF they can be with their friends at the completion of the list.
A couple of my preschoolers are motivated by freedom, or at least the loss of freedom at this point. “You may get down from sitting on this stool as soon as you are ready to clear your plate from the table.”
As for fun, who wouldn’t be motivated to paint the barn when we will be going camping or boating afterwards?
Every child’s motivator is different, and it takes some experimenting to figure out what works for each individual.
Actually, I have started looking forward to toilet training our children. This is essentially the first time they must be self-motivated. I cannot MAKE anyone use a toilet. Therefore, my job is to figure out what drives them to consistently make that choice.
Whereas one child will do anything for a sip of soda or a fruit snack, another child wants a sticker chart working toward a toy or playdate. This child wants a hug, praise and a “potty dance” while their sibling seeks ten minutes of wearing the most desirable, blingy potty crown.
In working with 2-year-old desires, it can be fun to learn more about these precious people our Heavenly Father has sent into our stewardship.
Also eye-opening has been watching a child’s desires change as they mature.
I live on a hobby farm. One summer, we needed some fencing changed for an animal project and thought we would hire our college-bound child to do the job. Much to our surprise, she was completed offended when we offered payment for the job. “I feel like I’m being bribed to do something I already want to do.” It turned out that she desired ownership, trust, and independence.
That same year, two other children took on an orphan lamb and goat kid project. Their desires surfaced during a spring thunder storm.
I witnessed one child running out into torrents of rain and streaks of lightning to lead her lambs into the barn because their shelter was insufficient. Watching that string of infants toddle trustingly after their “mother” was unforgettable indeed.
The other child watched from the safety of the house. “They’re just animals, and it’s just rain.”
Child One’s desire was to nurture, to love and be loved. Child Two’s desire was the monetary value of the animals. Caring for those four-legged beasts was a daily task to complete in order to earn money for a large instrument.
One desire was not right while the other was wrong. They were just different.
Elder Neal A Maxwell, ordained apostle of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, once stated, “…what we insistently desire, over time, is what we will eventually become and what we will receive in eternity.”
The goal, therefore, is to gradually move the child’s desires away from basic “food, friends, freedom and fun” to a different level.
How? I believe that through diligent, consistent teaching and living the gospel of Jesus Christ, ANY of our desires will change over time to higher, more holier goals.
